Just me.

So far I have been documenting the preparation. The getting through all the hoops so that I can start. Start to write, start to be unemployed, start to be on this unknown journey. Okay, okay I know I am already on the journey, but now I really am. I’m in that moment of free fall. And all those lessons of how to fly, all that mental prep, everything has to kick in soon or I’ll fall flat. Of course I know that even as I am writing this, that it is ridiculous. I’m already flying, I’m being redundant in every way.

School is over. I had a week. Then I became a hostess. Now I’m done helping others and I really have to help myself. This is it, there is no one else to do things for, no one else I have to take care of, no more responsibilities to the school. It’s just me.

It’s just me. How weird is that to have just me be my focus. Damn, just me. Really I am more comfortable with something or someone else to have to put my focus on, but it’s just me now.

I just had my last conversation with my other half for a month. No phones. I’m all packed. I’m headed to Indonesia for a month. The house is all closed up, save the dishes, I hate washing dishes – but it will get done before the next two hours are up and my ride to the airport is here. My ride is one of the first friends I made when I moved here. And now three years later, she is married and leaving. And it is just me.

It’s a bit scary to know that it is just me that I have to focus on. Just me.

Within the last month I have gotten a severe boiling grease burn on one leg, a severe dog bite on the other leg. A sign that I am not grounded?

I’m meeting others in Indo. My sister will join me in a week. But still, it is just me. It needs to be just me. Or else it can never be more then me.