Calming the Warrior

Last week I decided that I had somehow manifested myself into working again. I spent two months traveling in a camper with my now husband, and the whole time I worried about money. I worried about having my own, about depending on someone else, etc, etc. So wham bam, I get off the plane back on my island for a mer 5 hours and I get a call from the school asking me to step into the elementary class, they are in a bind. Of course I say yes, how could I not I ask? The need to be needed? The relief of having a paycheck?

I resented that decision for three weeks afterwards as I walked into the class two days off the plane, while planing a wedding. I put off my honeymoon, I said, what the hell did I get myself into.

Marriage, a long winter break, my husband ships out, and all of a sudden I am reminded of two things. Of course they have to be contradictory. 1) I love teaching, I'm good at it, and I am damned passionate about it. 2) I dont have that alone time I was planning on in order to create my best seller. So I decided that I manifested the job.

Throughout this the school is hoping that I will stay on. And I do not feel ready to commit as my husband and I want to start a family, i dont want to leave my child at home with a nanny while I teach.

And then BOOM. The school board wants to change the curriculum at the elementary level. What? Are you serious? Of course at this point the children and I are doing great. Yeah I am not trained for those grades, but I've got it rolling, they are improving, they are learning and happy.

Then that passion arises yet again. It kills me absolutly kills me to hear this. All my efforts, all my time, done, down the drain. And the reasoning is the worst. The reasoning is so beyond the actuality of the past situations that I want to scream! Of course I write a very concise letter outlining concerns and then possible solutions. But its not enough.

So is this where I need to be? My husband and I decide I should be working. I see the tell tale rainbow as soon as I decide I will stay and get trained officially. I always trust the rainbows, they have been right each time.

Yet some how I see it failing. I see the school fading away in the future. And perhaps I should just let it. Perhaps I should not try to save it. Calm the warrior and just watch it's demise.

Time Flies - I hate that saying

But it does. Time flies, life happens and before you know it your married and teaching elementary school. It would take ages to fill in the gaps, but really that is not what this is for. So beyond a brief statement in regards to the insanely wonderful way the universe kicks into action and changes your life, I will not linger on the time between posts.

For now I've got something to say.

But because I am an organizing freak I will first post this so that my new rant has its own special place in the next post.